The Best Advice You’ve Ever Received (and
Are Willing to Pass On)
By David Pogue -- New York
Times
·
April 30, 2019
A
few years ago, I crowdsourced an entire book, called “The World According to
Twitter.” Every night for 100 nights, I tweeted a provocative
question; I published the best responses. (Sample question: “Supply the subject
line of an email you really, really don’t want to open.” Sample answer, from
@pumpkinshirt: “To my former sexual partners, as required by law.”)
But
one response changed my life. I asked: “What’s your greatest regret?”
And @susanchamplin replied that regret was her only regret. “Wise advice: You
made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time.”
I
found that idea profoundly liberating. When you’re contemplating your own
mistakes and failures, it lets you off the hook. It says, “You did your best,
didn’t you? Now quit beating yourself up and be glad you learned something.”
Lately
I’ve been thinking: How many other people have life-changing words of
advice to share? And wouldn’t “Crowdwise” be a perfect place to publish them?
And
so, dear readers, I invited you to submit the best advice you’ve ever received.
Here’s some of what you shared, conveniently categorized.
Life
Advice
The
first kind of counsel for your consideration: words of wisdom for almost any
life situation.
·
“You’ve never seen a cat skeleton in a
tree, have you?” When
Alexandra Aulisi’s cat couldn’t get down from a tree, her grandmother reassured
her with those words, predicting (correctly) that the cat would come down on
his own. “This advice made me realize that, sometimes, you need to shift your
perception of a problem to see a solution,” Ms. Aulisi noted.
·
“Don’t
pickle things.” That
line, brought to you by reader Sam Singer’s mother, means: If you have
something special, use it now. “Serve daily meals on your good china. Wash your
hands with the luxurious soap you received as a housewarming gift. Drink that
bottle of amazing wine right away. Don’t save things for future use — because
who knows what the future looks like?”
·
“Exercise
adds 20 degrees.” For
example, “if it’s 28 degrees out and it seems too cold to go running,” Rory
Evans wrote, “once you get moving, it’ll feel like it’s 48 degrees. And that,
you can handle.”
·
“Touch
it once.” According to
Christine H., this household hint involves putting something away the first
time you pick it up. That way, “you don’t have to waste energy looking at it
(and feeling guilty), or letting it get dusty so you have to clean it before
putting it away.”
·
“Sleep
on his side of the bed.” Mattie
Scott heard this advice at her husband’s funeral. “It’s truly the best piece of
advice I’ve ever gotten,” she notes. “The effect was profoundly comforting, and
it greatly lessened the ache of missing his physical presence.”
·
“Things
don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.” Gail Dekker first heard her friend, a wedding
coordinator, offer these words to young couples whose emotions were running
high. But it works in all kinds of situations, including Ms. Dekker’s house
hunt. “My initial reaction was that there was something wrong with every condo
I saw. My friend reminded me: A place didn’t have to be perfect to be
wonderful. She was right.”
·
“Take
a breath.” Melissa Fanning
heard this from a yoga teacher (“at a corporate retreat about which I remember
nothing else”). It wasn’t a yoga instruction; it was a suggestion to pause at
stressful moments, to avoid saying or doing something regrettable. “I use this
advice every day,” Ms. Fanning wrote. “It has preserved peace, calmed me, and
made me appear smarter than I am.”
·
“You
can’t control other people’s actions, but you can control your reaction to
them.” Kim Radich uses
this advice daily. “For example, when a family member reacted negatively to a
situation, I remembered I can’t control their behavior, and I let it roll off
my back.”
·
“Just
be a gentleman.” Harry
Kelly admits that this advice “may sound corny.” But that guidance came from
his mother at a heightened emotional moment: as she dropped him off at college
shortly after his father had died. “It means not taking advantage of other
people and trying to adhere to your moral values,” he wrote. “Her advice has
kept me from doing some bad things and encouraged me to do what is right. Best
advice ever.”
Parenting
Guidance
Raising
children may be the most complicated, unpredictable, difficult job on earth. No
wonder, then, that people are so quick to seek — and offer — counsel.
·
“Teach
your children to swing from the trees — not to keep them from falling, but to
see that they never hit the sidewalk.” That,
of course, is “figurative and not specific,” wrote Caroline Reynolds, “but you
can fit it to the situation. The results are very satisfying when they are in
their early 20s and using their thinking skills to choose wisely among the
paths of life.”
·
“These
are the ten life skills your kids will need.” Karen Rosen received, from her mother-in-law, a list
of ten things children should know how to do to be self-sufficient: Say please
and thank you, shake hands, swim, ride a bike, do laundry, cook, bank, type,
drive, and clean their rooms. “And always smile at your children, so they will
remember you that way,” Ms. Rosen adds.
·
“The
greatest gift you can give to your children is your own emotional well-being.” That insight, provided by a
couples therapist to Kellen Klein and his wife, “has helped us prioritize
carving out time for ourselves (Sunday softball!) and each other (nine-day trip
to Europe without the kid!) throughout the craziness of early parenthood, a
time in life when it’s easy to lose sight of your own identity.” Mr. Klein has
seen their daughter benefit. “She’s picking up on the self-confidence,
camaraderie, and mutual respect that these words have encouraged my wife and me
to cultivate.”
·
“If
there were a right way to raise a child, everyone would do it the same way.” The co-worker who offered that
advice to Kevin Bolduan went on to explain that, “All new parents need to
figure out their own way to raise their own kid.” Or, in Mr. Bolduan’s words:
“My best parenting advice is to not take parenting advice.”
Work
Life
The
workplace involves interaction with other human beings — and, that, of course,
can be a minefield. Here are some thoughts from grizzled veterans.
·
“When
you go in to a job interview, have questions ready.”Inevitably, the interviewer asks: “Do
you have any questions?” When you do, in fact, have questions, “you show that
you’re inquisitive and curious and eager to learn,” noted Gregor Gilliom.
“Having been on the interviewer side, I’m amazed by how many people simply say,
‘Not really. I’m good.’ I never hire those candidates.”
·
“Your
job is to make your boss look good.” According
to Kim Fitzsimons, “It’s amazing how well this works in guaranteeing a smooth
and trusting working relationship.”
·
“Greet
people with their first names. They’re delighted.” That advice came from Gail
Steele’s father, “a much loved and deeply respected dentist. I try to practice
this wisdom day to day, in my work as an occupational therapist and among my
friends and acquaintances.”
·
“Never
accept work where you’re not learning.” Catherine Kunicki, fresh out of art school, heard famed
furniture designer Charles Eames on a local radio show, and called in to ask
his advice. She wound up following it. “I never got rich, but I loved what I
was doing most of the time.”
The
Lightning Round
And
finally, a grab bag of wise words that don’t need further explication. If the
advice fits, wear it.
·
“Boyfriends
come and boyfriends go, but SAT scores are forever.” — Margot Watson
·
“When
you see a ball on the road, make a full stop. There’s usually a kid running
right behind it.” —
Paulina Gomez
·
“A
dollar bill is a skosh longer than 6 inches; you’ve always got a small tape
measure with you.” —
Rory Evans
·
“In
life there are two types of workers: ditch diggers, and those who tell them how
to dig the ditch. Decide who you want to be, and do it 100 percent.” —@cooneyd554
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